I have been told that I have control issues. And I suppose that I would agree that I do like things well-ordered, planned ahead, and organized. I really really like things that way. So yes, I guess I'll cop to being a control-focussed person (note the absence of the word "freak" in that sentence). Usually I use my powers for good---keeping on top of work commitments, after school drop offs and pickups, and who needs what and for when. It generally does work for me (from my perspective at least).
However, once every so often I get reality smacked with things beyond my control. I must admit, I have a tendency not to handle it so well and have been known to end up in a bit of a speed wobble (for those unfamiliar that term, it's my hubby's term for that pre-event panic state that sends me running crazily through the house trying to complete tasks while simultaneously warding off assistance by being unreasonable). Today's news about the hubby's visit to the cardiologist was just one of those moments. After a few moments of pure panic I settled in to a resigned anxiety and as I was at work, I was unable to wobble even just a little bit. Upon reflection I do feel sorry for that little boy that I treated just after I received that phone call. Normally I would have been way more tolerant with his patience-testing ways but today I sent him back to class when he got a bit more than I could take. I believe I might have even used the term "little stinker" in his presence. Okay, so maybe I did wobble a little bit after all.
A very wise man (my dad) once (okay several times) said to me, "Gill, don't worry about things you can't control, it's wasted worry". Today those wise words saved me from control chaos. As I type this and reflect on the day it seems that if I am to live more in the moment and enjoy the journey, I must focus on what can be changed and let go of what cannot. Not in a 12 step kind of way but in an everyday control-centred, non-speed wobbly, moving forward sort of way.
How is your hubby?????
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